Update

I moved to a new BLOG that has a "guestbook" to make it easier for visitors to leave comments.  Please visit the new link!  Thanks.  :-)

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/bobrobinson1

Bob

Stink Face

The Weekend: Sara flew in Friday evening to spend the weekend with us. I know it was special for Debbie to have all her girls here for Mother’s day, but I felt like the one who got spoiled by family and friends. The newest news - Carter learned how to make a “stink face.”  At one year old, this guy really looks like a little man already! As you can see, he’s got his new outfit and he’s ready for the wedding in June!

Grandpa’s little stink face

How Goes It: I survived the first week of chemotherapy without a significant impact on daily life.  I had a noticeable loss of energy that extended into the 5 mile race at Garden of the Gods park on Saturday morning. I did fairly good on the flats, but as many of you know, there aren’t many flat areas in the Garden, the hills were very humbling. Compared to a month ago, my run times were terrible. The good news is that I finished.  Best of all, my good friend John was there to cheer me on at the finish line – thanks John! 

Reflections: I’ve had a lot of opportunity to consider the possibility of God’s divine intervention to heal the cancer, from the first diagnosis in 2008 until now. During the first battle, and now in this current battle, there are many prayer warriors (including you!) that have interceded on my behalf. There’s a biblical aspect that is based on my (and our) faith and trust in God. There’s also an empirical aspect that based on the evidence of God’s hand on my life over the last 31 years. When I consider both of these – the promises of God and the evidence of the changes in my life and answered prayers, I’m compelled to conclude with absolute certainty that God if fully capable of healing me of this cancer and restoring my health, and I’ve prayed that prayer asking Him specifically for that outcome, and I believe that He can deliver that promise. (how’s that for a run-on sentence!) I’m also reminded of the story of the three Amigos in the book of Daniel in the Old Testament (otherwise known as the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-Nego.) They were sentenced to be thrown into the fiery furnace because of their faith. I like their response to the king, they said to king Nebuchadnezzar, “…our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and He will deliver us from your hand, O king. But if not, let it be known to you, O king, that we do not serve your gods, nor will we worship the gold image which you have set up.” OK, they didn’t have pancreatic cancer – but their lives were on the line and they asked God to intervene. They were not motivated by the outcome, their focus was on an unwaivering commitment to keep their eyes on serving God, no matter what. They were confident that God was able to deliver them, but they were also at peace with the “if not…”. That’s where I am – I know that God is able to deliver me. However, my trust in God, and the peace that I have in my heart is independent of that outcome.  In the mean time, I’ll focus on one day at a time. J

Changing the BLOG Title...

Last month I read a book by Dennis Rainey called “Stepping Up, A Call to Courageous Manhood.”  It’s an outstanding book, and one of the quotes from the book really resonated with me.  Dennis said “I believe there’s something in the chest of a man that responds in a unique way to stories of courage. There’s a piece of every man’s heart that longs to be courageous, to be bold and gutsy and etch a masculine mark of bravery on the human landscape.”  He goes on to describe men who “accomplished great things despite obstacles and indescribable hardship.” When I started this BLOG a couple weeks ago, I considered the journey in front of me, the obstacles and indescribable hardships that potentially lay along that pathway, and knew that courage would be a major factor in that battle. 

HOWEVER, I really need to give credit where credit is due.  My daily courage and strength has always (and will continue to) come from God. This cancer battle started 2 ½ years ago, and it’s really been a journey of another phase of trusting in God. When I stop and consider the miraculous recovery I had after the 2008 surgery, I can’t help but give God the glory, and remind everyone that I know God and He knows me, and that He is the source of my strength, my peace, and my trust in Him is complete and without reservation, and not dependent on the outcome of my circumstances.

Bottom line – it’s not about me, it’s all about God, how He redeemed my soul, turned me around 31 years ago, and continues to hold me in the palm of His hand. One of my favorite passages in the bible is from the book of Proverbs, “Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.” So, this journey is not really "A Courageous Journey", it’s really an ongoing journey of "Trusting in the Lord" completely, and acknowledging Him. How do you trust God with all your heart? You must first acknowledge who God is. In the book of Genesis, God referred to Himself as "I AM". Essentially, God is everything that we need - our Father, our redeemer, our saviour, our provider, our banner, our peace, our shepherd, ... the list is endless - He's all we need, or more specifically, He is all I need, and my trust is completely in Him.

UPDATE:  Today was my first day of chemo-therapy.  It was an 8 hour day of treatment and lab work, no issues, no concerns, no problems. Hopefully I'll be able to run the 5 mile race Saturday morning in Garden of the Gods. There will be a lot of hills, and I've been "slacking off" my training program for the last 2 weeks with these 2 surgeries and medical appointments. This might not be one of my personal-best running times, I'll let y'all know how I do J

IT'S ALL A MATTER OF PERSPECTIVE

Blessings in life can come unexpectedly. Years ago, I discovered the ones that made the greatest impact on my life were the ones that did not seem like blessings at all. It took time for the outcome to be revealed. For instance, when I was in the Air Force stationed in Iceland, an incident occurred that de-railed an otherwise successful career. At the time, it appeared to be bad news. However, in retrospect, that event motivated me to go to graduate school, and resulted in a change in my career that turned out to be one of the biggest blessings in my life. Now I can look back and say “how fortunate I was for that circumstance.” Now when I’m in a battle, or if I’m having difficulty, I remind myself how blessings can hide and ask God “what can I learn from this today?”

Well, today was no exception. After a 2 hour drive to downtown Denver in rush-hour morning traffic, we found out the clinical trial drug for my chemotherapy treatment was accidentally left off the FedEx shipment. Try again tomorrow, apparently it was time for a lesson in patience. I'm still waiting to see what lessons I'll learn throughout this battle J.

What a story - wow (thanks for sharing Jeremy!)

The meaning of life ... boiled down to a creative 4 minute video!

Teamwork - standing in the gap

I was reminded today about an incident that happened over 30 years ago. The scene still causes a chill to trickle down my back. The year was 1980, and I was a K9 police officer in the Air Force. I was deployed to a Federal Reserve in the panhandle of Florida to serve as a peace-keeper for a camp of 10,000 refugees that came to the United States on a floatilla from Cuba to get away from Castro. On this particular day, there was a riot in the camp. It seemed as if all 10,000 of the refugees were pressed up against the 10 foot high chainlink fence at the main entrance. Our police force was only about 30 strong that day, and I was one of the 2 K9 officers. The commander sent me and my police dog to the front of the gate as the refugees began to shake the fence and start climbing. My job was to take "point", and my German Shepherd's job was to make sure nobody wanted to be the first over the fence. Was I concerned? Of course. However, as soon as I was in position, my teammembers filled in the gaps and we stood in unity to present a strong front line for the imminent battle.

Today someone else decided to stand in the gap with me in this cancer battle. His name is Jeremy Keck. He said that he was praying for me, but he didn't think that was enough. He said he wanted to do his very best in coming along side me and my family, and thought the best way to bring attention to this battle was to shave his head. "Its very much two fold for me. On the first hand, its a constant reminder to myself to pray and believe in your total and complete healing. Secondly, its an extremely visible, drastic change in my appearance that will spark the instant question of “Why?” with everyone I come in contact with. I will now be able to share your story and again pray for your complete and total healing."

Wow! talk about a teammate in battle standing in the gap - I am humbled and honored beyond words. Thank you Jeremy, it's great to know that family and friends are beside me as we seek the Lord in this battle. You are exemplifying the Apostle Paul’s direction to us in Galatians 6:2 and James 5:16.

Galatians 6:2 “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”

James 5:16 “…pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.”

Preparation for chemotherapy...

The port surgery was successful on Thursday 4/21/11.  Here's a photo.  The Xcela Power Injectable Port was surgically implanted under the skin completely, and has a line that runs from the port (under the skin) to the right internal jugular (RIJ) vein and then down to the heart.  I got to see the actual image when they finished, it looked just like this.  As I understand it, they will inject a needle through the skin to this port and have complete access to draw blood and infuse the chemo mixture.  Other than a slight discomfort and a funny looking lump under my skin, I’m doing great.  PS – my muscles are bigger than this guy’s!

Since I haven't started chemo yet, I'm being considered as a prime candidate for a new clinical trial by Eli Lilly (the drug manufacturer for Gemcitabine, the primary chemo treatment drug for pancreatic cancer).  I'll still get Gemcitabine, but in combination with this new study drug ("H8KMCJZAK" - it doesn't have a name yet).  I'll meet with the oncology team on Tuesday in Denver to go through an interview and sign a ton of paperwork.  At this point, chemotherapy will likely begin the week of May 2-6.

I decided to start this blog rather than go through email blasts to everyone, and send out an initial email and facebook post to all those who may be interested in tracking my progress.

Today's Easter message at church was such a refreshing reminder about the importance of the resurrection. What happened as a result of the resurrection of Jesus is unprecedented in human history. Jesus conquered death by rising from the grave, and verified His resurrection by appearing to many of His followers before He ascended to heaven.  That small group of seemingly insignificant believers succeeded in turning the entire world upside down because they believed, like their master Jesus, that they would one day rise from the grave in glorified, resurrected bodies. Jesus actually predicted this too - "Do not marvel at this; for the hour is coming in which all who are in the graves will hear His voice and come forth - those who have done good to the resurrection of life, and those who have done evil, to the resurrection of condemnation." (the words of Jesus in the book of John chapter 5).  The more I study the resurrection, and what it means to believers in Christ, the less foreboding death seems to be. It will be our first step into the resplendent kingdom of our resurrected Lord.  Happy Easter! - Bob

Updated diagnosis

Surgeon follow-up (Monday 4/18/11):

·    Biopsy results confirmed that I have recurrent metastatic pancreatic cancer

·    During a laparoscopic exploratory surgery on 4/14/11, the surgeon visually identified and confirmed the tumors that were found during the PET scan. Additionally, he found multiple small cancer cell growth areas in the region of the omentum and mesenteric lining of the abdomen

·    Since the new cancer growth is not limited to a single defined area, I’m not a candidate for surgical or radiation (cyberknife, etc) procedures

·    The cancer is classified as systemic, so it must be treated through chemo therapy

Oncologist follow-up (Tuesday 4/19/11):

·    We’re evaluating clinical trial studies that be a good match for my situation

o   I didn’t qualify for the study at Lone Tree Rocky Mountain Cancer Center since my cancer is technically ampullary cancer (ampulla of vater). That study was focused on tumors in the head of the pancreas (endocrine tumors). The ampulla of vater is also known as the hepatopancreatic ampulla, formed by the union of the pancreatic and common bile ducts.

o   We collected all my medical records and CDs/DVDs of radiology imaging and sent them to the University Hospital for further evaluation of clinical trial treatments

·    I’m going back in for minor surgery on Thursday (4/21/11) to have a catheter surgically placed under my skin to make chemo therapy easier

·    Chemo will tentatively begin depending on clinical trial options or one of the 3 FDA approved treatment options

I have access to one of the largest clinical trial databases in the country through the pancreatic cancer action network.  They’ve already been sending me data to evaluate with my oncology team, so I’m borderline at information overload while I’m analyzing.

Thoughts:

·    I’m on solid ground, and dealing with all this in a very balanced and positive manner

·    It’s a little different than last time, since I now have more “processing time” (last time I had about 4 days from ER visit to surgery). However, the result is the same.  10 out of 10 people will die at some point J.  I’ve been “studying for my finals” since 1980. Up until thirty one years ago, I was a die-hard atheist and humanist. I fully investigated the bible, the claims it made, and came to an understanding that I am absolutely sure that God is who he says he is, and that salvation comes by faith in Jesus Christ, the son of God who died for our sins. And if he is who he said he is, he has a plan for my life and that plan includes yielding to him, following the instructions he left for us in the bible, and sharing the love that he placed in my heart.  I haven’t waivered from that belief in the last 31 years. God has given me the strength to fight this battle, and peace in my heart to deal with those thing beyond my control.